It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

Joan Rivers

Tags: bdsm



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Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Joan Rivers


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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Joan Rivers

Tags: woman sex mistake tramp



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I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

Tags: humor housekeeping



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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Joan Rivers

Tags: humor television-personality



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I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make
it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll
make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark
the present.

Joan Rivers

Tags: quote



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If God wanted us to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor

Joan Rivers

Tags: humor so-true



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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

Joan Rivers

Tags: making-love



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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Joan Rivers

Tags: wwii stupidity insult



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Ginger did everything Fred did, only backwards and in High Heels!

Joan Rivers


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