You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.
Justin HalpernTags: humor
Don't touch that knife. YOU never need to be holding a knife... I don't give a shit, learn how to butter stuff with a spoon
Justin HalpernSee, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.
Justin HalpernTags: humor
People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.
Justin HalpernThe worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.
Justin HalpernTags: dad justin-halpern shitmydadsays
Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.
Justin HalpernThe dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik's Cube. He's a goddamned dog.
Justin HalpernYou're ten years old now, you have to take a shower every day...I don't give a shit if you hate it. People hate smelly fuckers. I will not have a smelly fucker for a son.
Justin HalpernOn Lego's
"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.
Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.
Justin HalpernTags: humor
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