Huge mammals surrounded us, any one of whom could easily overturn our stupid little boat. Tripod would drown. I would drown. Joe would undoubtedly be rescued by mermaids seduced by his beauty.

Kristan Higgins

Tags: fools-rush-in



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Family gatherings were... um, let's see, what's the word I'm looking for?... Hell. They were hell. Being the middle child, I served and referee and confidante, hostess and martyr. Did I feel we should get together once in a while? Sure. Did I want my family all together? Theoretically, yes. In reality, dear God, no.

Kristan Higgins


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Commandment #1: Believe in yourself. Commandment #2: Get over yourself.

Kristan Higgins

Tags: self-acceptance self-assurance self-knowledge



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I fold my laundry discretely, putting my jeans and tops on anything I don’t want the guys to see. I sneak a look at Malone every once in a while, and each time I do, he seems to know. Blushing becomes my permanent facial state. I pretend to watch the game, though the Sox could have all been murdered and left disemboweled on the field for all the attention I truly pay.

Kristan Higgins


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And so I make a pact with the devil, or in this case, my mommy.

Kristan Higgins


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Granted, I'd waited a long time to hear those words. Would've sold a kidney-maybe two-to have heard them at one point. Now, though...they didn't have the same impact. They were, in fact, an overcooked noodle in the pasta salad of love.

Kristan Higgins

Tags: unrequited-love break-up



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The crowd watched. 'Sir?' said the cop. 'Can you please answer the crazy woman so we can all go home?

Kristan Higgins


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Dearly beloved," Father Bruce began, "we are gathered here to witness the union of Nick and Harper as they pledge their love an devotion to each other for what we hope is the last time, because I don't know about you people, but I don't think any of us should have to go through this again.

Kristan Higgins


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Gus, do I have to put you in a cage or something? Because I will! Don't push it, mister!"

"As an officer of the court, I feel obliged to speak up and tell you that child imprisonment is against the law," I said.

"Right. Well, then, I'll take that as your offer to babysit all four of my precious angels when you get home."

"Then again, cages can be very comfortable.

Kristan Higgins


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God! The sexiest three words in the English language, 'you were right'. What woman doesn't love to hear that?

Kristan Higgins


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