I picked up one of the books and flipped through it. Don't get me wrong, I like reading. But some books should come with warning labels: Caution: contains characters and plots guaranteed to induce sleepiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after ingesting more than one chapter. Has been known to cause blindness, seizures and a terminal loathing of literature. Should only be taken under the supervision of a highly trained English teacher. Preferably one who grades on the curve.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: books humorous boring-books



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And then a new screen, one I had never seen before, never even heard of popped up. It gave me a choice. I could become the new Lord of Darkness myself, or I could take a gamble and be reincarnated. I chose wisely.

Laurie Halse Anderson


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Write about the emotions you fear the most.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: writing



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Bologna girl, that's me.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: humor



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Gym should be illegal. It's humiliating.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: humor childhood humiliation gym p-e physical-education



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If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: humor anarchy



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THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: humor school



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When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: inspirational death voice



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It's easier to floss with barbed wire than admit you like someone in middle school.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Tags: school emotion adolescence awkwardness



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This is where you can find your soul if you dare. Where you can touch that part of you that you've never dared look at before. Do not come here and ask me to show you how to draw a face. Ask me to help you find the wind.

Laurie Halse Anderson


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