I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Lewis GrizzardKinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
Lewis GrizzardLife is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis GrizzardI was afraid they kept the hogs in a pen out behind the hospital. I've been prepared for surgery and the doctor says to an orderly, 'Leon, go out to the hog pen and get me a valve.
Lewis GrizzardThe only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
Lewis GrizzardTags: humor drinking commercialism
Chilli dawgs always bark at night.
Lewis GrizzardTags: food
Shoot low, boys. They're ridin' Shetland ponies.
Lewis GrizzardWhen my love comes back from the ladies' room, will I be too old to care?
Lewis GrizzardLife is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis GrizzardOn a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
Lewis GrizzardTags: new-york-city
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