Jared?” His fingers were playing gently in my curls.
“Yes?” I was more than halfway asleep, perfectly warm and content, back in my own bed. With him.
“Say it for me.”
“You’re heavy.”
“No.”
“You’re a manipulative bastard.”
“No.” He was laughing.
“You’re right.”
He gave one hard tug on my hair. “That’s not it either.”
“I love you?”
He sighed contentedly. “That’s the one.
I'm a mess," he said, halfway joking but halfway not. "I'm demanding and temperamental and I'm terribly high maintenance."
I laughed without even meaning to. "Do you honestly think I don't know all that by now?"
"Then how could you possibly love me?"
I held him tighter, kept kissing his neck. "How can I not?
We walked in the door, and I was stunned by the sterile emptiness of the place. Most of the tiny living room was taken up by one of those giant strength-building home gyms you see on TV. In addition to that, there was one metal folding chair, an old wooden end table (being used as a coffee table, in front of the one chair), and a TV sitting on a milk crate. And it was the cleanest bachelor pad I had ever seen.
“Wow. Nice place. The prison cell motif is really working for you. Very feng shui.
Tags: humor
I understand addiction now. I never did before, you know. How could a man (or a woman) do something so self-destructive, knowing that they’re hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink. Just stop. It’s so simple, really. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.
I see it now though.
Every day, I tell myself it will be the last. Every night, as I’m falling asleep in his bed, I tell myself that tomorrow I’ll book a flight to Paris, or Hawaii, or maybe New York. It doesn’t matter where I go, as long as it’s not here. I need to get away from Phoenix—away from him—before this goes even one step further.
And then he touches me again, and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind.
This cannot end well. That’s the crux of the matter, Sweets. I’ve been down this road before—you know I have—and there’s only heartache at the end. There’s no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. If I stay here with him, I will become restless and angry. It’s happening already, and I cannot stop it. I’m becoming bitter and terribly resentful. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, he’ll leave me. But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. One way or another, he’ll be gone. Is it not wiser to end it now, Sweets, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct?
Tomorrow I will leave. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to him.
Tomorrow.
What about today, you ask? Today it’s already too late. He’ll be home soon, and I have dinner on the stove, and wine chilling in the fridge. And he will smile at me when he comes through the door, and I will pretend like this fragile, dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever.
Just one last time, Sweets. Just one last fix. That’s all I need.
And that is why I now understand addiction.
Tags: love addiction gay leaving
You can’t control what others think. The only thing you can control is yourself. Some people will look down on you for your choices in life, no matter what they are. You can’t do anything about that. The only thing you can do is decide how to live your own life. And to hell with everybody else
Marie SextonTags: life inspirational choices
I have a sudden urge to pitch a tent in the back yard
tonight.
Tags: humor
You already are the guy I deserve."
"No, Zach," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just the guy you love.
Tags: paris-a-to-z
The number of people who believe a thing has no bearing upon its truth.
Marie SextonTechnology had failed me. We could put a man on the moon and make computers that fit in my back pocket, but I still couldn't strangle anybody via telephone. Life really was a bitch.
Marie SextonHoly fucking understatement of the year, Batman
Marie SextonPage 1 of 4.
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