The truth is I feel bad about calling you a whore. I don't know anything about your personal life; my judgment was based on nothing more than a general whorish vibe you give off.
You look like you'd screw any squirrel that came your way. You look like you'd even screw the knothole in that tree where you live. But this is all speculation on my part, based on nothing more than your aforementioned whorish vibe and sleazy demeanor. Maybe I'm wrong about you. If so, I apologize.
But I really don't think I am.
Tags: humor
If they have to drag some of you fucking fuckers out of here in body bags, I will be so fucking stoked.
Michael Ian BlackTags: humor
Did my fingering turn you gay? I hope not.
Michael Ian BlackTags: humor
Why does Lewis Black have so much hatred for goodness? I do not know. Because I am not a trained psychologist, I think it would be unethical for me to attempt to analyze him. But based upon his feelings regarding candy corn, I think it is safe to assume that he hates freedom, hates himself, and wants to fuck his mother.
Michael Ian BlackTags: humor
Write more thank-you cards, but draw fewer swastikas on them.
Michael Ian BlackTags: humor
How dare you compare Hitler to this president or any president? How dare you equate what he did with what Obama is doing? Do you have any idea how insulting that is? Do you know anything about history? Do you have any idea what Hitler did? He killed six million of my people, which is six million more than Obama has killed. You're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking moron. You're the fucking problem with this country.
Michael Ian BlackI hope you die....
P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.
Tags: humor
I am not a music snob. If anything, my musical taste is bad by any critical standards. My favorite song of all time is "Come On Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners. A close second is "MMMBop" by Hanson. So I am not out there claiming any musical superiority, but Creed really does suck. Bad music, pretentious lyrics, and a messianic front man. Also they are from Florida. No good rock music has ever come from Florida. Undoubtedly, there will be legions of offended readers who think to themselves, What are you talking about! Such-and-such band is from Flordia and they're freaking awesome! No, whatever band you are thinking of, if they are from Flordia, they suck. Not as much as Creed, but they still suck.
Michael Ian BlackMarriage felt like a fading American institution, as relevant to me as the Elks Club. Plus, I considered myself punk rock, and punk rockers don't believe in boring societal conventions like marriage. We prefer boring societal conventions like punk rock.
Michael Ian Black...Even to me, a sufferer, 'depression' seems like a fetid load of weaselly claptrap, a cheap and easy excuse for not participating in life.
Michael Ian BlackPage 1 of 3.
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