I think that you’re casting away everything of you. You should feel betrayed that your blood kin would try to kill you, you’re only pretending that you don’t. You’re playing a part, and sometimes you forget what’s you and what’s the other Miriel. You said you would be forsworn if you needed to be, my Lady, but you deny yourself every day for no reason at all.
Moira KatsonYou, Catwin, no longer exist. You no longer have a fate of your own, a will of your own, or indeed a soul of your own. Henceforth, you and Miriel are to be as one, she the light, and you the shadow. You are to cease thinking of yourself as other from my niece - you are to be her shadow, as Temar is mine. You will go where she goes, you will watch instead of being watched, you will hear instead of being heard. Do you understand me?" - Eral Celys, Duke of Voltur
Moira KatsonFrom somewhere, I was not sure where, Donnett procured a dressmaker’s dummy, and the two of us began to spar to protect it. I started next to it, or far away, but whatever the case, it was my job to keep him from reaching it. Donnett had no clever line, as Temar did: now you’re dead, and Miriel is dead. Whenever he tapped the mannequin with his sword, he only looked over at me, and then raised an eyebrow. If I did not understand the maneuver he had used, he would explain it. When I did understand it, we went again.
Moira KatsonDo you know, I used to feel special, like I would wake up in a fairytale and be a great hero. But now…I don’t know if I want to be in a story anymore. It’s like I am already, and I don’t think I like it. And what would it mean if it were true? What would it mean for you?
Moira KatsonWatching Temar, I wondered how the animals of the King’s menagerie felt, able to kill any of the puny beings that looked into their cages, yet bound back by bars of iron. I felt a strange darkness at the thought. I had no true cage, save my own thoughts. There was nothing to keep me from lashing out at any of the nobles who walked these halls. It seemed like a very thin barrier all of a sudden.
Moira KatsonI know a lie when I see one, Catwin—even from you, now. I didn’t once, you know. I thought you incapable of lying to me; I was wrong. You didn’t know how big a mistake you made, when you deceived me for Miriel’s little charade. Because until I discovered your lies, I did not know what it was that I was seeing in you. Now, I do. I know when you lie to me, and I will find out your secrets.
Moira KatsonThe Duke would later name me a Shadow, and after his naming, life itself wore me away to make his words true. I have been a Shadow for years upon years now. And yet, I think if I were to trace back to the moment I started to fade away from the world, it would not be when I began my training, or when I first killed, or when I first spied upon my King. It would be the moment that I looked around myself, in that cold mountain village, and realized that I might never have been born and no one would ever have missed me.
Moira KatsonDo not worry about what words to use. Worry about why this story needs to be told and the rest will take care of itself.
Moira KatsonTags: writing writing-process
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