The young woman's perfect breast didn't yield beneath the gentle pressure of two latexed fingers.
"What're you doing?" Professor Robert 'Lithium Bob' Beck frowned at me.
"I don't know. It's what I did when I first saw her…"
"Why?" asked Doc Donald, about to assist with the post mortem.
"She seemed so… pink. Maybe to see if she was alive…" I saw the Prof and the Doc exchange a look. It was an unconventional - no, plain weird - place to touch her.
Tags: crime psychological-thriller dark-humour
Then headed for the kitchen.
Fuck.
I headed through the lounge…
…just as two indistinct pitch-black masses, Kevlar laden, shotguns raised, crept ninja-like through the front door. This time, I didn't even get a bellowed warning. The lead ninja, upon seeing me, sprang forward… and crushed me face flat to the floor.
That hurt.
It was five long hard seconds before he eased up an iota so I could take a breath,
"Hello again, Dennis. Busy night?" I managed from somewhere under his arm or knee or gun-butt. "Bean-bags or bullets?"
"Bullets," said Harry. "Easy up, lads. He's scarpered…"
Dennis got off of me, locked his shotgun and helped me up,
"Sorry," he said.
"No worries…
Apparently, we're all in the frame," I heard Harry murmur somewhere behind me. And I whirled back to him. Innate, irrational anger surged. Then stopped, dead - as I suddenly took in Handsome, Robert and Doc. They were all staring at me. They were concentrating, all resolute, all a tad furrow-browed… upon my face.
Self-consciousness burgeoned. I gingerly fingered my and lips and my chin,
"Am I drooling?"
"Your arse is hanging out," said Harry, not looking up from the forensics he was scanning.
And so it was.
Handsome, Robert and Doc averted their eyes as I, wishing I'd merely been dribbling, grabbed the back flaps of my breezy hospital gown, fully placed my back against the wall. Then, thinking better of it, dived hurriedly, carefully, back into bed.
If Chinese Lady'd been here, she could've, would've, told me.
I missed her already.
Tags: murder funny mystery crime suspense intelligent thriller contemporary police psychological psychiatrist magical-realism serial-killer murder-mystery dark-humour fast-pace chandleresque criminal-profiler strong-female-character
SWAT? For me?" Still trembling, one hand clung to the ambulance gurney, the other held a massive sterilised cotton wool wad under my nose.
"Tactical Support was busy. You got Dennis and Arlo," said Harry, speed-reading the papers he'd snatched from inside my jacket.
Closest his hands had been to my chest in a long time.
"Which one broke my nose?"
"That'd be Dennis.
Tags: murder funny mystery crime suspense intelligent thriller contemporary police psychological psychiatrist magical-realism serial-killer murder-mystery dark-humour fast-pace chandleresque criminal-profiler strong-female-character
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