I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.
Patton OswaltTags: humor gender writing romance violence femininity romance-novels masculinity sailors
And you'll walk in rolling your eyes and you'll walk out whistling sadly through your teeth because the fuel of the Nerd Mafia is disappointment and exclusion.
- On the Watchmen movie
If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.
Patton Oswalthobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')
Patton OswaltComedy and terror and autobiography and comics and literature-they're all the same thing. To me.
Patton OswaltEvery zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.
Patton OswaltZombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.
Patton OswaltTags: zombies
Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
Patton OswaltI want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.
Patton OswaltTags: experience comedy
During the "first Thanksgiving" at Plymouth, Wampanoag Indians - including a Patuxet Indian named Squanto - helped teach Pilgrims how to farm, fish, and hunt and shared the bounty of that first feast. A TRADITION THAT CONTINUES TODAY AND JESUS AND 9/11.
Patton OswaltTags: humor thanksgiving
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