There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

Robert Benchley

Tags: paradox



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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

Tags: humor



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There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.

Robert Benchley

Tags: children travel



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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

Robert Benchley


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I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.

Robert Benchley


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Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

Robert Benchley


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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Robert Benchley


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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Robert Benchley

Tags: humor



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Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Robert Benchley


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Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Robert Benchley

Tags: humor funny opera bleeding stabbed



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