Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
Rodney DangerfieldI came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: humour funny neighborhoods
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: psychiatry
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: marriage
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: humour funny crime neighborhoods
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: sports
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs
I say, 'no.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney DangerfieldWhen I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: humor parents kids moving found
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney DangerfieldTags: humor
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