The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

Russell Baker

Tags: writing



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Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.

Russell Baker


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Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Russell Baker


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Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories -- those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost

Russell Baker


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An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

Russell Baker

Tags: education



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Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

Russell Baker

Tags: growing-up education children parenting



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New York is the only city in the world where you can get run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

Russell Baker

Tags: new-york-city



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Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.

Russell Baker


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Voters inclined to loathe and fear elite Ivy League schools rarely make fine distinctions between Yale and Harvard. All they know is that both are full of rich, fancy, stuck-up and possibly dangerous intellectuals who never sit down to supper in their undershirt no matter how hot the weather gets.

Russell Baker

Tags: elections elite summer working-class ivy-league



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After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that it would cost me dearly in pain. At the age of five I had become a skeptic and began to sense that any happiness that came my way might be the prelude to some grim cosmic joke.

Russell Baker

Tags: death atheism tragedy skeptic atheist skepticism



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