A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: humor friendship cynicism atheism



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Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: humor advice religion atheism childhood parenting kids santa



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Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: humor love romance relationships statistics infidelity adultery suspicion



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Your pet is not your friend. It is your hostage.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: pets



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If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: humor work matt



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You have sexual tendencies that are not normal, and you should be ashamed of them.

Scott Dikkers


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I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook.

Scott Dikkers

Tags: humor



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