Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her.
Stacey Wallace BenefielI take a deep breath and calm my face, trying as best as I can to put yearning into my eyes. It's not that hard. Green dick or not, I'd hit that...if I made absolutely any effort to hit anything.
Stacey Wallace BenefielTags: hilariousness
Hey, who are you calling easy?" I say, clearing my throat. "I was just thinking how I haven't had sex in over a year. Is that the mark of a loose woman?"
He looks at me, eyes wide. "God, that is a long time."
"Yep, it is." I nod. "A personal record. Before that my longest dry spell was seven months. Definitely more tolerable, although I don't recommend it."
He whistles. "I'm at six now, and I may have watched all the porn on the entire Internet. My condolences to your vagina."
"My vagina thanks you."
Yeah, that's a thing to say. My vagina wishes she could thank him.
He smiles at me sweetly. "Did it like the wreath I sent?
Stop making excuses for why you can’t let yourself have this. It’s not conventional but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. What’s more important? Loving the man that loves you, or trying to achieve this bullshit idea you have of what a perfect relationship is supposed to be?
Stacey Wallace BenefielTags: tell-it-like-it-is
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