A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

Tags: humor obvious simile



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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Steve Martin

Tags: humor prostitution sex



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I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That's the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth.

Steve Martin


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We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday.

Steve Martin


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Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

Steve Martin


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It's pain that changes our lives.

Steve Martin


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... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

Steve Martin


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I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Steve Martin

Tags: humor



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Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

Steve Martin

Tags: humor french



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I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

Steve Martin


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