A balanced argument is one that takes place entirely in my head, and doesn’t cause me to tip over.

“I’ve always been a pretty open person, much like a 9-5 store at 6.”

“I like to feel like just one of the guys. Especially when I hang out with the g…”

“I speak the language of love. That’s right, I speak Russian.”

“I put you on the map, and I can fold you up and stuff you in the glove compartm…”