A blanket could keep a family of three warm for a lifetime, but global warming could do the same for the world forever. 


“I want a house with a garage, so someone from the government won’t try to park …”

“Strawberries are so red they make me feel 33% patriotic.”

“When I have children I want an even number of boys and girls, and that’s why I …”

“I’m a thief. What can I say, I’ve got sticky fingers. I robbed a sperm bank. Bu…”