A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I think a brick would make a better dad than that guy I call “The Guy That Never Calls Me.”


“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.”

“We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso.”

“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”

“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have…”