A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the use…”

“Last week I was very ill. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Which…”

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mo…”

“Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal…”