A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.


“I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. …”

“I called the cops to see if I had a rap sheet. I do, and it rhymes.”

“When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to…”

“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting hor…”