A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.

“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April …”

“Bricks could be used to fill my empty trophy cabinet. But first I’ve got to win…”

“A triangle has three points, just like the number of horns my ex had (she was 5…”

“It’s just a dream, I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.”