A tree once saved my life. A posse was going to hang me, but this wise old oak would not let them. As a token of my gratitude to that tree, I used it for furniture instead of firewood.

“A brick could be used as an identifier, for all those people with no real ident…”

“My wallet isn’t empty—it’s full of hope. Thanks, Obama!”

“My mother always told me not to pick my nose, so I’m going let the plastic surg…”

“I carry a little plastic tub with me, and I put my most valuable possessions in…”