A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

“A brick could be used as a bottle opener. Just don’t smash down too hard, or yo…”

“A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dra…”

“I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her h…”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And…”