America’s problem, in a word, is politicians. In two words, it’s politicians and lobbyists. In three words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And finally, in four words, it’s politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, and bankers.

“For God’s sake, man, cover up your erection. Here, use the back pocket of my je…”

“I didn’t do it in 1066. But I’m only not guilty because I wasn’t quite alive th…”

“A great gift would be a cheap pen, mounted on a wooden plaque, with the accompa…”

“I’m a 33rd degree mason, which is one degree above freezing.”