Anyone want some of my foot long sub? It’s huge! It’s nearly half as long as my penis.

“I treat women like royalty. But not from a Bolshevik perspective.”

“I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting t…”

“I hung a large pizza over my window, because it was more delicious than curtain…”

“I don’t deceive myself. No, I get my clones to do it for me.”