As a man, I have a strong constitution. But as a document, I’m no Constitution of the United States—as I’m quite a bit wordier, and still intact.

“The best way to dig yourself out of a hole, is with a dead guy’s fingernails. T…”

“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.”

“Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plai…”

“Two days from now I invented a time travel machine out of my neighbor’s washing…”