As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me. And my first words to the world right out of the womb were: “Love is timeless, but man is not. I think I’m early.” It’s true. I was a premature baby. I was born generations before my time.

“I’ll throw some dirty clothes under your car and claim you ran over my anorexic…”

“Panic juice—try not to choke while chugging it.”

“A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage …”

“When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that i…”