As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be ugly, son, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be rich. In fact, it kind of means you have to be rich. At least if you don’t want to be asexual and alone your whole life.

“If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottl…”

“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and g…”

“If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my han…”

“A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destin…”