Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.

“I’ve got ears like a rabbit, and a penis like a baby carrot—fully erect, of cou…”

“I would wash my clothes in the aquarium, but there’s a shark in the tank, and a…”

“If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part …”

“My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used …”