Black holes are darker than magic markers, but not as black as my mood.

“If I were a magician, I’d hand out broken compasses. It’s all about misdirectio…”

“I want a trophy wife, because the only thing I’ve ever won is a fourth-place ri…”

“You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into st…”

“When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering w…”