Dead men’s fingernails make lovely shallow-grave shovels.

“A love like mine is rare. So is the steak I just sent back to the kitchen. But …”

“I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.”

“I’ll beat you with a ladder, so in my defense I can say, “I didn’t hit him! Loo…”

“I hate it when I go shopping and leave my wallet at home, in my pants, along wi…”