Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.

“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t fee…”

“I’m hiding in plain sight. I’m right behind my clone.”

“When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be…”

“Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions onl…”