Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a seriously starved midget for a week. Now with 33.3% reduced fat!

“Death is coming—but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility.
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“Who needs a thermometer? That’s what my nipples are for.”

“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though …”

“Sleeping in a tinfoil suit keeps me warmer and helps prepare me for my voyage t…”