Don’t kill your wife—kill your wife’s mother, and make it look like your wife did it.

“It’s a conflict of interest, because I’m not interested.”

“I want to be able to Foxtrot, without actually getting fur on my clothes.”

“I’m opening a restaurant called “To Go.” You’d like to go to To Go, but would y…”

“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to tea…”