Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t fool an old sheep like me. To prove it, I’ll tell you that I’ve been continuously voting for the same person for president for years and years, a few of them even before he died.

“He’s not my son, but his last name is Myson. Same spelling, big difference.”

“I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, an…”

“If jellybeans came in a broader flavor base that included emotions too, I’d avo…”

“If there are #coffee stains on my @Harvard application, it’s because I was up a…”