Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard.

“I’m not a king, but you can call me His Royal Hoorayness. If you did that, I’d …”

“Normally I charge 60 cents on the dollar for stolen merchandise. But since it w…”

“The house is a normal-sized house, but once you step foot in the door, you are …”

“Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book s…”