Eating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work.

“A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole fun…”

“I am the Chuck Yeager of love. You’ll need to wear earplugs when I break the so…”

“When I didn’t know him I punched him in the face. The best part about him is hi…”

“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s b…”