Even though I wore an eye patch, the Cyclops and I, we didn’t see eye to eye. We argued about the nature of love, and I hated it, so in the name of love I had to stab him.

“I hate when people say primitive people didn’t even have running water. What do…”

“I rearranged the letters of the word “neologism” to make the word neologism its…”

“I carry a concealed weapon—high cholesterol. It’s deadly.
”

“Good thing my mother-in-law isn’t pizza shaped, because then I’d have to cut he…”