Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.

“A blanket could be used like cloud cover
”

“Not only did I not join, but now I can’t quit. I’m a nonmember for life.”

“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I cl…”

“We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood arou…”