Experience is the best teacher I've ever had. I'm sorry, Mr. Sortz, but it's true.

“If a hooker asked me my name, I’d say John.”

“A cake for all is not a celebration of one. Cupcakes are the ultimate birthday …”

“A blanket could be hooked to ropes and attached to the body of a swimmer in tra…”

“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved …”