He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.

“I’ll agree with you if you promise to argue with me. That’s what love is, right?”

“To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they …”

“At the beginning of their return trip home, fishermen might label their fish wi…”

“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed capt…”