He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not good.

“Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.”

“I’m not interested in driving a racecar, but I would love to cruise around in a…”

“Don’t search for a void to fill. Find a vacuum to carpet. Let this be a lesson …”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because th…”