Her name is Today. I told her I’d call her tomorrow. That was yesterday. I’m confused about the time, but not about the fact that I’m in love.

“The only equality that exists on earth is time. We all have exactly 24 hours in…”

“My resume speaks for itself, so to speak. I recorded it on a tape recorder.”

“He was a pleasant fellow, saying please and thank you as he pounded me in the f…”

“I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I though…”