Here’s a list of three character qualities women should look for in a guy, in descending order: Looks like me, thinks like me, is me.

“When everything is working out for you, it means you are in the wrong gym.”

“To live a sinless life is good, but if you live in a cave and positively influe…”

“I was eight when I moved to Florida, and I thought, “Oh great, the retirement c…”

“I swallow my own lies with big gulps, as if quickly chugging the chance of gett…”