-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today?

-No, I’m taking her out this afternoon?

-Great! Then you won’t mind if I come over and mow your lawn. Sucker!

“I meant to spend the day writing, but instead I spent the afternoon cleaning ou…”

“While getting a haircut, I thought about my failed marriage. Instead of feeling…”

“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you…”

“I’ll never rest on my laurels. If I’ve got more than one Laurel in my bed, rest…”