Hey, who are you calling easy?" I say, clearing my throat. "I was just thinking how I haven't had sex in over a year. Is that the mark of a loose woman?"

He looks at me, eyes wide. "God, that is a long time."

"Yep, it is." I nod. "A personal record. Before that my longest dry spell was seven months. Definitely more tolerable, although I don't recommend it."

He whistles. "I'm at six now, and I may have watched all the porn on the entire Internet. My condolences to your vagina."

"My vagina thanks you."

Yeah, that's a thing to say. My vagina wishes she could thank him.

He smiles at me sweetly. "Did it like the wreath I sent?

Author: Stacey Wallace Benefiel