I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.

“A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using…”

“If laughter came in paste format you could squeeze out of a tube, I’ll bet nine…”

“In the future, it’ll be my child, but it will be my child’s life, so I must nam…”

“I’ll agree with you if you promise to argue with me. That’s what love is, right?”