I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?

“A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally share…”

“My hand inside a glove is like a painting in a frame, and should be insured as …”

“I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a s…”

“I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a moto…”