I am patriotic. When the Pledge of Allegiance is going on, I solemnly place my right hand over my genitals.

“It’s possible that I couldn’t handle the truth, but I sure wouldn’t mind fondli…”

“I have a pet frog. He sleeps in a king-sized bed, just in case he happens to be…”

“I wonder what city Grover Cleveland is from. Probably Cincinnati.”

“The road to hell isn't paved with gold, it's paved with faith. Faith in a dolla…”